I’ve worried about so much crap

 We are in the airport in Houston waiting to fly home.  This morning the reality of what could be started to sink in.  This could be a major life event, this could be difficult, this could be gone when they get MRI results back (this is Deacon’s prediction).  This is the first time I remember not thinking into the future.  I don’t mean hopes and dreams, I mean my next meal, the next day, next week.  When I cook breakfast (hot cakes 30 seconds in the microwave) I’m thinking about where I am working for the day, spelling words, grocery lists. When I’m at the movies, I’m thinking about election forms and school districts.  When I’m driving down the road I may think of the what if’s. (Which is why I have already lived this scenario several times… it was worse in my head) I used to not sleep on Sunday nights because I would be up worrying about the schools I was working in the next week.  All of this is useless. A waste of energy.  I’ve known this & I’ve been improving, but I am still for the first time in my adult memory just here. I can’t plan my work weeks for the next month because I don’t know when I’ll be in town.  I can’t plan Christmas parties or advent messages.  I have to say, I like it. It’s a relief to not have the ability to micromanage my schedule.

I like being present.  I am decent at it when working.  I want to be better at it when I’m at home.  I remember laying on the couch watching Cheers with my mom as she rubbed my head.  I won’t really have those moments with my kids because I’m always doing or planning.  I want to change that. More time in the living room, less time exhausted from my life…

Cary prayed yesterday morning before we got out of bed, “Father, this day is yours…” I’ve prayed that prayer before, and often make up my mind to make it my every day prayer, but then life happens and I am back to my old habits.  I listened to a message by Alyn Jones about the Kind Messenger, that often God uses a kind messenger before sending a harder life lesson.  I don’t want to say that God is putting me here or causing this tumor, however he promises to work all things together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes.  I certainly believe he can use it to teach me & maybe this is the kind messenger. https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/keeping-up-with-the-joneses/id878470120?mt=2&i=374676968

As long as I’m listing good habits.  I want to be more generous.  I day dream of giving large amounts of money or opportunity to people who can grow from it, but I know this habit starts small.  It starts with giving what you have to someone who needs.  I was talking with a friend last week after the election.  I was discussing my concern for people in nations that rely on our support, like Syria, that have no way to help themselves or save their children’s lives.   We also discussed that we will likely have larger tax returns next year with administration changes.  I don’t want to put that money back into my household.  (Actually, I do want to put that money into my household, we pay for college and another kid enters high school this year.)  Our family lives a comfortable life.  We, as Americans consume 26% of the things purchased on this earth, but we only make up 4% of the population.  If you are a US citizen, you earn more than the “rich people” in other places, you are the upper echelon.  If we are a believer in Christ, we are responsible to realize that & use your resources to reflect Christ.  And so you are in a position to do something to make a difference in the world. You don’t have to create an organization or raise a million dollars, but sow something, whatever something is on your heart.  I have friends who gave their car to a family in their church instead selling it.  It wasn’t worth a lot, but to a family without a car, it was of great value! My cousin works for an organization called Mercy Corps.  She is the reason I read articles about Yemen and I dream about raising enough money in my church in support a village for a year. She is the son I trust this organization to use my donation responsibly. Mercy Corps (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/yemen-hopeless-international-community_us_581ad480e4b08f9841ad63d4?qcaaeswwjthoj38fr) So, I challenge you to consider how you can invest in others. And I invite you to hold me accountable to this, otherwise my selfishness will take over.
Blessings to you friends. Thanks for reading.


5 thoughts on “I’ve worried about so much crap”

  1. Prayers for you and your family. Your message has impacted my day and I hope to allow it to impact my life. May God bless you during your journey.


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