The End is Near

For real!! My last proton treatment is in one week! That’s exciting! 

I start there because I’m struggling today. #notmybattle feels like a lie. Living Philippians 4 is a moment by moment choice, and I’ve failed. So I’m reminded of strategy that has worked before … Picture it line by line.

Rejoice in the Lord, always. I say it again, REJOICE! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Lord Jesus, you are here. I rejoice because I am not alone. So I close my eyes and ask you to show me where you are in the room. I sense you sitting by my knees on the bed. I wish I could see you.  How can I show gentleness in this hospital where I am getting fluids?  Please & thank you show gentleness. I do rejoice because I haven’t experienced any rage since being here. There have been seasons when rage and anxiety have led me into into places of deep misery and depression . But I am not depressed or even sad, so I celebrate your healing in my life by replacing those habits with your peace.  Thank you Lord for showing me the work you’ve done in my life.

The Lord is near. Don’t be anxious about anything! But in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. I don’t worship a distant God, or a god without power.  I worship a loving God who is near, and who hears me, and who cares deeply about me. So Lord, here are the anxieties I have let play in my mind.  I am sorry for entertaining them instead of bringing them to you first. Please forgive me for that.  I’m worried that I cannot take in enough calories or fluids, and I won’t heal quickly. I’m concerned that my kids are going to expect me to be normal when I get home, and I cannot.  I cannot be the referee or even go to the grocery. I know Cary will do all he can, but they are still going to come to me with expectation. Yet, you have met every single need we have had on this journey so far, and you have carried us through so many other trials, so I delight in watching how you work this out!  It’s going to be fun to share! So thank you Lord for being near, and for going before me in these things, and making my road straight.  I pray for my medical team making decisions on my behalf, give them wisdom beyond that of man, not just on my behalf, but for all their patients.  Lord, I lift up Bridge to you as she finishes he treatments. I ask for complete healing for her, not just the cancer in her body, but from all the trauma associated with it.  She is such a beautiful soul, mother, wife, daughter.  Carry her too, in Jesus name.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Yes!  There is your peace and sound mind.  I trust you, Papa!  I love you!