No Media for My Kid!

You’ve seen this video, right?  Well, I identify with this video.  At the beginning of summer, I swore I was only going to let my 9 year old on media for an hour or two a day.  By the end of summer, it was on ALL DAY LONG!! YouTube and video games going at the same time.  It was like an atomic assault on my ears and nerves. Not to mention my kids was turning into a jerk.

Excuses: I work at home pretty often, and I’m traveling when I don’t, so I  don’t have the time or energy to entertain him.  But the excuse doesn’t matter when you see your child’s brain shrinking from day to day, not to mention the lack of certain social skills.  But the straw that broke my back – he was yelling at his teammates on Fortnite.  He was just being rude and calling people idiots, and I realized, I don’t like who my child is becoming.  So I took away the internet, and TV, and all screens in general… for 21 days.

He’s not grounded, he’s a good kid (except when yelling at strangers online – yes, I realize how creepy this sounds, but I am determined to be transparent).  He’s nine.  He has never existed without an Iphone in our home.  I remember when he was a baby, he could run apps making animal noises and educational videos.  My older kids weren’t exposed to constant screens until elementary school, and I was able to monitor those much more closely.

So, on August 3rd I told Deke that he was fasting from Media for 21 days starting on August 8th, the first day of school.  To say he had a melt down would be an understatement.  He was not happy, but I let him binge on YouTube and the Switch for a few days before he went cold turkey.  I also received the news that due to unforeseen disasters having to do with reconstruction on the building, school wouldn’t be starting for him until September 5th… suddenly, we are hanging out together for the 21 days.

Now, I am not a newcomer to taking away media from children.  I did this same thing with my oldest two kids SEVERAL years ago after praying about how to help them stop fighting.  It worked brilliantly.  Thanks to that experience, I knew the first 24 hours would be the most trying for me, and that I would be tempted to give it back so I could follow my routine.  I spent the 5 days strengthening my resolve and telling my self that my goal was for him to be bored, to know what it feels like, to know what it is to find a way to entertain himself, and to figure out if there is anything creative in him.  So, new perspective – “I’m bored Mom!” = “You’re Awesome Mom!”.  “You’re TORTURING ME for 21 DAYS!” = “Mom, thanks for loving me enough to find myself in this tech-world I live in.”

I did place a couple of exceptions to this entertainment-less desert called his last month of summer: 1.) We drove across the state on KY and back in less than 36 hours – I let him play the Switch. 2.) If someone else is watching TV & it’s appropriate, he can watch. (Home Improvement with Dad is his new favorite thing)  3.) Traveling to a soccer tournament in Gatlinburg TN – he will be allowed to play the Switch in the car as he rides with two teenage girls who SHUSH him for sport (one in English and one in German – which sounds more like DEECON – Psssshhh!)

The first week was tougher on him than me.  He thought he was going to die.  He claims he cried himself to sleep every night.  He drove the 4 wheeler, built complicated Lego kits, and listened to HOURS of Adventures in Odyssey on a CD player, sat in my office as I worked on spreadsheets,  and asked 1,276,890,113 questions!

When he said, “I’m bored!” I responded, “Oh good!  That means your brain is working.  It’s not my job to entertain you, figure it out.”  – I WAS EMPOWERED & IT FELT GOOD! And I began to see who my child is.  He still acted goofy to get attention, but it wasn’t SO desperate and SO silly.  He learned to sit in his room and play, alone.  Our home seem calmer.  Our conversations seem deeper.  The teenagers don’t hide in their rooms to keep away from the noise in the living room.

The second week… well the second week may have been harder on me.  I WORK AT HOME!!  He talks all the time!  I almost had a mental breakdown.  I just needed to get my work done.  I just need some time alone, some God time, but it didn’t come.  Yet, I saw a really fun kid replacing this video addicted minion who controls the noise level of the house with the TV remote and attitude.  I like the difference, that calm.

Thankfully my brother and his son, Oliver, have visited the last few days.  With the lack of entertainment at my home, Deke was all too happy to go to my parents’ home and spend the whole day (this is a rare occurrence because he normally would rather watch TV).  He got to ride his new (to him) bike, go swimming with his cousin, and go boating.  I think he also got to binge watch movies for a 4 year old one day, which he was thrilled with.  That little bit of media has him jumping all over the place again and begging for “just a few minutes of TV” tonight before bed.  But, the “NO” is easy because I have seen the kid who lived under the addict. 

We have 11 more days of this.  I’ll try to update you next week.  My next challenge… how do we let the media back in without letting it take over our home our kid and our lives again…

Blessings! K

Does this mean I’m old?

Today I worked in Fayette County Public Schools with their new teachers. They are a great school system! As I stood in the room, organizing people, where they went, how they would accomplish the tasks of the hour, I realized I had been in the place of most of the people in that room in different seasons in life.

17 years ago, I was a new teacher signing up for benefits, blissfully unaware of what I didn’t know about managing a classroom full of kids, planning for retirement, or insurance. At that point in life, I was torn between the desire to be home with my toddler, the need for a break from said toddler, and our need for income. I started teaching for $24,000/year & I thought we were rich. This is the season I found my drive to do things well, as I would often work 2+ hours after the school day was over, missing precious time with my children. I also perfected my people pleasing skills!🙄

Then, almost 13 years ago, I left education semi-impulsively. I quit my job with no promise of another, only a deep feeling that I WAS NOT WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE anymore. I knew I was coming to work for American Fidelity. They didn’t know yet, though. Thankful, God opened that door 4 months later. So, I watched my coworkers selling insurance, doing the job that I love so much: talking to employees to love children, who are giving beyond reason, loving beyond understanding, and helping them plan for their future. It is here that I learned from SO MANY mistakes. Here that I became so overwhelmed that I couldn’t sleep, that I physically harmed my back from sitting 8-10 hours a day, that I learned what it is to be rewarded for your hard work, and what it is to work under amazing leadership. It is also here that I found confidence by solving the overwhelming problems. I learned to strive for something & achieve it. And I learned that sometimes, most times, it’s the striving that brings the greatest satisfaction, not the achievement itself.

It is here that I have done my greatest ministry as I could pray with people who open up their lives to me. I have seen God heal people physically and emotionally through this job. I have experienced His goodness in this place. And it is here, that I had to learn to surrender control.

Today though, I didn’t meet with employees. I was in a different roll. I was assisting as needed, instructing as needed, helping things run in a different way. I got to use the bathroom 4 times (which NEVER would have happened in either previously mentioned season of life – I bet you didn’t know peeing is a luxury for people who work in education.). It was a good day. As I looked around, I realized I don’t know what the next season is, and I’m really not worried about it. It will come, and it will pass, just like all the ones before it.

I’m thankful for the seasons of life, and even more so that finally, at least in this moment right now, I’m content to just be. Not striving, not forcing the next season, just grateful for where I’ve been, what I’ve learned & trusting that God is refining me in this season as well. I hope, I can quickly thank him for he storms in life that he works for my good. Tomorrow, I’ll probably find something new to strive for, judge myself for failing at, or want to kill someone over, but today, I’m good.

PS. It is time to buy school supplies. If you are spending $100+ on school supplies for your kid(s), and you are whining… STOP! That is a *#>^ education you are paying for. We are a blessed nation that every child can go to school for free, out side of supplies and nominal fees. And, don’t blame your school system. They are likely running on fumes to meet the demands from government, parents, and society!! Instead, find ways to fund schools to do great things. Partner with a school, or mentor a child. Do your part, don’t complain! #rantover

Ooh- also, new parenting hack: I still don’t get Snapchat, but my kids will talk to me that way.

And – Swiss Rachel gets here in 3 days!!